I'll Figure Out a Title Later

This week has been interesting. Not quite the "Oh God, we're all going to die" interesting of Serenity, though the possibility of burning out was quite real. Because, if I'm going to be honest, I don't handle stress well. At all.

I'm getting better, I think. But considering where I started, my progress is still around a normal person's, how should I put it, anal-retentiveness. I can be fussy, if you want to put it more nicely and less honestly than my mother did. This week has been a little difficult. I have/had a lot on my plate, and it's hard for me to sit down and focus for extended periods of time. Anyone who's ever watched a movie with me can testify to this. And that's something fun.

So this year, I knew, would be an experiment in taking chill pills. This metaphorical self-medication isn't easy for me. I haven't been doing well. Yesterday was a tipping point. I had a Japanese test, the results of which I shudder to consider. So I was a bit...testy. High strung. Prone to venting that didn't always maintain the courtesy, respect, or clean language that every human being deserves when being spoken of or to. I should probably issue a blanket apology to everyone in my immediate vicinity for having to listen to me.

Sorry.

I don't know when my day started to turn around. Maybe when my mom gave me the brutal honesty my whiny self needs every once in a while (I still hate it, though. Hate. Hate. Hate it.). Maybe when I had the opportunity to get some things done, uninterrupted by distractions. But it was probably when I got an unexpected compliment.

I'd been forced to stare at my shoes all day from the sunshine. Keeping my head held high is something I'm working on, and somehow, despite the awkward eye contact, I've grown to enjoy it. And I needed a pick-me-up, so I wore my new sunglasses. They more than quite possibly make me look like a complete dork, but I love them. They make me happy.

As I walked out the door, a friend from English class last year was passing by. "Hey Alicia." He smiled. "You look really hip, with your glasses and everything."

That's right. Someone under forty called me hip. This never happens. Trying not to blow the perception, I smiled.

"Thanks," I replied suavely. "I try." And my smile stuck. I even chose a happy song to listen to on the way to Chinese conversation group. My step, dare I say, became sort of jaunty. My friend probably doesn't remember this mini dialogue, less than 24 hours later. But my evening was just dandy after he said it. And today was pretty fine too.

I can't promise that my chill pill will stick. After all, I've ranted about laundry- yes, laundry- on this very blog. But it's a start- I've been pretty optimistic for about 24 hours now, and that never happens.

I'm not perfect. Neither is my attempt at a duckface. Never again.