I'm baking again, going above and beyond my usual boredom baking- two loaves of bread! The first loaf, banana bread, has finally depleted the hoard of frozen bananas that has been hiding in the back corner of our freezer. They'd cleverly hidden themselves behind my housemate's stash of popsicles. The second is a first-time attempt at my mom's cheddar bread. The savory and the sweet, baking together with a deliciously discordant scent of onion and banana. Yum.
It's been a quiet Saturday- laundry, baking, watching brides pick out their wedding dresses on TV. I'm the only one in the apartment. It's kind of lonely, but it's also kind of pleasant. It's been an emotionally tempestuous week-- nothing new for me, but it's always nice to have a day or so to decompress. To hang out in my way oversized Go Navy T-shirt and Batman boxers and no makeup and to feel completely comfortable just being worn out and lazy...it's great. The Lord help anyone who knocks on my door today, because I am proudly unpresentable.
I had my job interview yesterday, and it went really, really well. They'll be sending me resumes to correct, and if I do well on those, I have the job! It's strange, thinking that if I do get the job, I'll be a full-time student with two jobs. Neither of them will be particularly high-paying, nor are they hours intensive, but the idea of multiple jobs is so strange to think about. I never thought I would be "that student." But I have to be. My parents have been wonderful, paying for my first two years of school, and my dad's GI benefits are paying for this year and part of the next. But what after that? There's still a semester of private school to pay for. There's my life afterwards- what am I going to do after I graduate? Teach? Grad school? Try to get published? I need to be prepared to put my nose to the grindstone, even if it means late nights and and reshuffling my priorities. And if I can't do it now, how can I expect to graduate with the confidence and knowledge that I can support myself?
I would love to marry a wealthy man or win a lot of money or publish a best-selling novel in the next year and a half. But I'm a pragmatist. I haven't ever had a boyfriend, I don't play the lottery, and I know how chancy my dream profession can be. It could be seen as cynicism, but I don't believe in the very fairy tales I love to create in my wildest daydreams. I know-- it's premature for a 20-year-old to resign herself to a life without romantic adventures (or, let's be honest, misadventures). Love makes me cry, and so do onions. And I really, really want more of both in my life.
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