The thought expressed in the title crosses my mind from time to time, mostly when I'm on the treadmill. As I stare at the back of the head of the other poor soul running/walking/jogging in front of me, I am firmly, firmly aware of my lack of forward motion. While I hate to use song lyrics, the creation of other individuals, to describe my life, Relient K's "Forward Motion," is particularly apt in this situation. Look them up, if you are so inclined. But the gist of my point is that, at this moment in my life, I feel like I'm not moving forward. Like I'm slogging through muddy molasses whilst wearing full scuba gear.
Thankfully, I have a wonderfully optimistic friend, who has the gift of encouragement. When I still feel like Violet Beauregarde post-gum chewing blueberriness after a long workout, she reminds me how well I'm doing. But I still feel discouraged more than I would like- in fact, today was a bad day. Despite my efforts and hopes, I still feel huge. And my shin has splinted into a dull ache that asks for rest, but I don't want to give myself a break. I sit in front of my novel and write a few sentences, but there's still so much more to say. Oh, and I really need a summer internship for this year- a summer I would love to spend traveling and writing if not for my desire for funds.
But it's okay. I iced my shin, and it feels ten times better after a mere 30 minutes. I watched what I ate- whilst still indulging in some dark chocolate M&M's. I ran nearly 2 miles today- defying my own expectations. And, best of all, I took a bath, giving my body the break it needs. And now I'm going to bed, so I can start tomorrow breaking myself down and building up the pieces into a slightly saner me.
And hopefully, maybe, I'll find a summer internship.
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