I need to be more like my dish soap, "Ultra-Concentrated Joy."So...Ultra-Concentrated Joy List!!!!!
1. The Writers Retreat is this weekend! I am so, so, so excited to join professors and students (many of them friends) on an adventure to northern Michigan to write, read, and play. I am really excited for this.
2. I have people to live with next year! My dear friend Hope and a friend of hers were looking for people to live with- and so were we girls of Beta 6. So Apartment Sunny-Fun-Time is a go! It's a weight off of my shoulders.
3. It's raining. For most people, this would be depressing. But I love the rain. I love the "stay at home with a hot drink and a good book" feel of those days. I love the way the rain feels on my hair, on my face. I love jumping in puddles with my daisy-decorated rain boots. I love it.
4. A seemingly insurmountable week was conquered.
5. Lent starts today. I am experimenting in controlling food and not allowing it to control me. So, for the next 40 days, no sweets- no cupcakes, ice cream, candy, cookies, donuts, etc. etc. It's not going to be easy, but it's going to be done.
Now it's time for some mac and cheese!
Love,
Momo
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Lack of Sleep: A Study of Crankiness
For the past two nights, this writer has woken up at 7:10 for a Statistics class thinking one thing: You've got to be kidding me. The sun isn't up at 7:10, and because this is Michigan, it's absolutely frigid. So leaving the comforting den made of blankets and pillows is the last thing I want to do. Fortunately for my GPA, that's a lie. The real last thing I want to do is fail, so I drag my weary body out of bed and use brush, soap, and makeup to fake wakefulness.
On most days, I'm pretty awake by the end of my morning classes. But for the past two days, I've racked up a sleep deficit that almost rivals our national one. And so, the unfortunate side effect of grumpiness kicks in. In me, this usually consists of: muttering curses under my breath at the least inconvenience, a marked increase in whining and complaining, a war between needing to be alone and needing to be loved, and general irritability that makes me a highly unpleasant person to be around. (Unless, of course, you're giving me a hug. Hugs give you carte blanche for about 10 minutes, or until you do something stupid.) For instance, today is laundry day. Here is how it went:
1. Because the person using the good washer came in just after I had started my load, I got stuck with the slow washer. This turns a 35 minute process into a 45 minute one, if you're lucky.
2. Because someone then used the good washer right after the first person had put his stuff in the dryer, her load was finished before mine.
3. Thus, this person got the remaining free dryer. Both put set their dryers to "More dry." In addition to being vague, this gives me no timeline as to when I can finally use the dryer. And until then, my wet clothes wrinkle and dry.
On a normal day, this would be mildly irritating. On this day, I am $#%@^&!* pissed. Because I could be recovering or taking a nap, but instead I have to wait for a dryer, and then another 45 minutes until my clothes are dry. And yes, I know, there's so much worse in life. I could have real trials and tribulations to weep and gnash my teeth over.
But do you know what? I'm exhausted, cranky, and I have a black belt. Try me.
On most days, I'm pretty awake by the end of my morning classes. But for the past two days, I've racked up a sleep deficit that almost rivals our national one. And so, the unfortunate side effect of grumpiness kicks in. In me, this usually consists of: muttering curses under my breath at the least inconvenience, a marked increase in whining and complaining, a war between needing to be alone and needing to be loved, and general irritability that makes me a highly unpleasant person to be around. (Unless, of course, you're giving me a hug. Hugs give you carte blanche for about 10 minutes, or until you do something stupid.) For instance, today is laundry day. Here is how it went:
1. Because the person using the good washer came in just after I had started my load, I got stuck with the slow washer. This turns a 35 minute process into a 45 minute one, if you're lucky.
2. Because someone then used the good washer right after the first person had put his stuff in the dryer, her load was finished before mine.
3. Thus, this person got the remaining free dryer. Both put set their dryers to "More dry." In addition to being vague, this gives me no timeline as to when I can finally use the dryer. And until then, my wet clothes wrinkle and dry.
On a normal day, this would be mildly irritating. On this day, I am $#%@^&!* pissed. Because I could be recovering or taking a nap, but instead I have to wait for a dryer, and then another 45 minutes until my clothes are dry. And yes, I know, there's so much worse in life. I could have real trials and tribulations to weep and gnash my teeth over.
But do you know what? I'm exhausted, cranky, and I have a black belt. Try me.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Head Colds and Iced Coffee
What you may not know, dear Reader (if you really exist), is that I have a beast of an immune system. After a lifetime of endless sinus crap and the new addition of migraine attacks, it takes a lot for anything else to bypass my white cell bouncers. So when I get things, like whooping cough or food poisoning or whatnot, it tends to be on the doozy end of the spectrum. Or maybe I just get really whiney when I can make the problem go away with Excedrin.
Anywho...I have a cold. It's really unattractive- my nose oscillates between stuffed and runny, I have a cough, I did have a sore throat, and I've been sneezing like an allergy-ridden bunny. (Yes, a bunny. I have, apparently, "cute" or "polite" sneezes.) And I'm tired. Oh yes, I'm a walking, talking cold-zombie. And in the midst of my pity party, I felt the need for my "sick" food. Was it ginger ale? No. Crackers? No. Soup? No. My sick food is a Starbucks frappucino. Yes, you read that right. When I'm sick, I reach for a clear plastic cup and a green straw.
I have work this afternoon, and the Lord baby Jesus help my poor student. I will smile bravely through exhaustion-rimed eyes, a runny nose, and an uncontrollable urge to cough up my Eve's apple. I will bring my sanitizing gel and my water bottle. But on the inside, I just want to curl up under my warm blankets and sleep this cold away.
Anywho...I have a cold. It's really unattractive- my nose oscillates between stuffed and runny, I have a cough, I did have a sore throat, and I've been sneezing like an allergy-ridden bunny. (Yes, a bunny. I have, apparently, "cute" or "polite" sneezes.) And I'm tired. Oh yes, I'm a walking, talking cold-zombie. And in the midst of my pity party, I felt the need for my "sick" food. Was it ginger ale? No. Crackers? No. Soup? No. My sick food is a Starbucks frappucino. Yes, you read that right. When I'm sick, I reach for a clear plastic cup and a green straw.
I have work this afternoon, and the Lord baby Jesus help my poor student. I will smile bravely through exhaustion-rimed eyes, a runny nose, and an uncontrollable urge to cough up my Eve's apple. I will bring my sanitizing gel and my water bottle. But on the inside, I just want to curl up under my warm blankets and sleep this cold away.
Monday, February 14, 2011
Single Awareness Day
Hi, my name is Alicia and I'm a Single Person.
Unfortunately, I don't have an official support group. I'm sure my friends and family would love to share the burden of my issues with others, but they've what I've got. And now it's Valentine's Day. As a single person, I should be preparing to drown myself in wallowing. After all, as a good Christian girl in a school with Freshman Frenzy and Senior Scramble, how could I not have a serious relationship this late into my junior year? How am I going to be worth anything to the church if I'm not a wife and mother by the time I'm 30? Oh Lord, what will I do if I turn into a crazy cat lady?
As ridiculous as this sounds, it's something I have to deal with. And my friends and family can bear witness to my struggle, the oscillation between: "I'm fine just the way I am. I don't need anyone." and "I hate this. What's wrong with me?" So, in order to remind myself that, yes, I am (and will be) fine as I am, I've decided to write another list.
Why is Alicia OK with being single?
1. I can spend my Saturdays watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer in my PJ's with no makeup on, just because I can and I don't have anything else to do. (True story.)
2. I can have the nerdiest man-wall ever, and not realize the inadequacies of my significant other in comparison to these paragons of masculinity. (I mean, who can compare with Captain Mal Reynolds or Han Solo? Or Aragorn? Or Dr. Who?)
3. I only inflict my renditions of Disney or Broadway classics on my roommates, who can resort to headphones. (Why yes, I am currently singing "On My Own" from Les Mis.)
4. I can watch "Say Yes to the Dress" and no one thinks I'm implying something.
5. No one but me fuels my caffeine and chocolate consumption. (As much as I hate to admit it, my cheapskate-ness at the grocery store is the only thing standing between me and serious weight gain.)
6. I can keep my story to myself without hurting his feelings. I'm not ready to share it with just anyone.
7. As strange as this may sound, but I actually appreciate that I pay for things myself. I hate it when other people spend what I see as an excess amount of money on me, even family members. I wasn't spoiled growing up, so I'm not sure how to handle it. (Bonus- I'm a cheap date.)
8. I can keep my raunchy sense of humor. I know, I should be grown-up and dignified, but a good "that's what she said" joke sends me into a fit of giggles. I'm working on my language, which may be helping.
9. I'm sure that I do things for me, not for others. I know this sounds selfish, but I have dreams and goals that I'm not sure I want to give up for anyone less than God Himself. I want to lose some weight (for me), travel the world (where I want to go), and so on.
So this is my list so far. Unfortunately, Japanese class calls again. But really, I love this list. I love how it reminds me of me, who I am without someone. And these items might seem stupid, I know, but I'm kind of a stupid person sometimes.
-Momo
Unfortunately, I don't have an official support group. I'm sure my friends and family would love to share the burden of my issues with others, but they've what I've got. And now it's Valentine's Day. As a single person, I should be preparing to drown myself in wallowing. After all, as a good Christian girl in a school with Freshman Frenzy and Senior Scramble, how could I not have a serious relationship this late into my junior year? How am I going to be worth anything to the church if I'm not a wife and mother by the time I'm 30? Oh Lord, what will I do if I turn into a crazy cat lady?
As ridiculous as this sounds, it's something I have to deal with. And my friends and family can bear witness to my struggle, the oscillation between: "I'm fine just the way I am. I don't need anyone." and "I hate this. What's wrong with me?" So, in order to remind myself that, yes, I am (and will be) fine as I am, I've decided to write another list.
Why is Alicia OK with being single?
1. I can spend my Saturdays watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer in my PJ's with no makeup on, just because I can and I don't have anything else to do. (True story.)
2. I can have the nerdiest man-wall ever, and not realize the inadequacies of my significant other in comparison to these paragons of masculinity. (I mean, who can compare with Captain Mal Reynolds or Han Solo? Or Aragorn? Or Dr. Who?)
3. I only inflict my renditions of Disney or Broadway classics on my roommates, who can resort to headphones. (Why yes, I am currently singing "On My Own" from Les Mis.)
4. I can watch "Say Yes to the Dress" and no one thinks I'm implying something.
5. No one but me fuels my caffeine and chocolate consumption. (As much as I hate to admit it, my cheapskate-ness at the grocery store is the only thing standing between me and serious weight gain.)
6. I can keep my story to myself without hurting his feelings. I'm not ready to share it with just anyone.
7. As strange as this may sound, but I actually appreciate that I pay for things myself. I hate it when other people spend what I see as an excess amount of money on me, even family members. I wasn't spoiled growing up, so I'm not sure how to handle it. (Bonus- I'm a cheap date.)
8. I can keep my raunchy sense of humor. I know, I should be grown-up and dignified, but a good "that's what she said" joke sends me into a fit of giggles. I'm working on my language, which may be helping.
9. I'm sure that I do things for me, not for others. I know this sounds selfish, but I have dreams and goals that I'm not sure I want to give up for anyone less than God Himself. I want to lose some weight (for me), travel the world (where I want to go), and so on.
So this is my list so far. Unfortunately, Japanese class calls again. But really, I love this list. I love how it reminds me of me, who I am without someone. And these items might seem stupid, I know, but I'm kind of a stupid person sometimes.
-Momo
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Being Productive: The 8th Wonder of Alicia's World
Yesterday, I was Super-Productive Girl. Oh yes.
Going to 3 classes? Check, check, and check.
Doing all of my homework on the day that it was assigned (and some work ahead)? Check.
Getting some writing done? Check.
Going to the gym? Check.
Working on my applications? Check.
Getting some extra-curricular reading done? Check. (One day, Crime and Punishment, I will conquer thee!)
This rarity is the 8th Wonder of my World. What are the first 7, you may ask?
1. God. Perhaps it's cliche for a good-girl student of a small Christian college, raised in the church. But really, He's the only thing that gives my life the focus and meaning my scattered thoughts can't create.
2. Family. I'm lucky. I have wonderful parents who've sacrificed so much for me, and they're the best huggers in the world. And I have a brilliant older brother, who also happens to be one of the best people I know. Talking with them on Skype is one of the highlights of my day.
3. Friends. Again, I'm lucky. I have friends who put up with my insanity. And having experienced toxic friendships before, I count my blessings that I have friends who support and love me, even at my worst (and even though I'm undoubtedly rather annoying when I'm in one of those dark places). A hug from a friend can turn my entire day around.
4. Humor. There's nothing better than smiling and laughing, whether you're alone or in a crowd. British comedy, a good comic, or even just a fit of the giggles...speaking of which, I got Wild Target on DVD the other day. I plan on giggling my way through this weekend.
5. Creativity. I have a world of stories in my head. The ability to tell them is a gift I couldn't live without. Maybe I'll get the chance to share them with people someday. Until then, I just try to release them from my skull. It's not always an easy process, but it's always a rewarding one.
And what about 6 or 7? I don't know what they are. They change from day to day, depending on my mood or needs. Chocolate, coffee, the gym, hugs, a good dream, or a nap. I think today, today the 6th wonder is a nap. The 7th...well, the day isn't over yet. Maybe it will be a good writing session, or triumph in the gym, or even just sitting on the couch and enjoying the presence of my friends.
But now, I have to pack up and go to Japanese class. がんばりましょう！
-もも
Going to 3 classes? Check, check, and check.
Doing all of my homework on the day that it was assigned (and some work ahead)? Check.
Getting some writing done? Check.
Going to the gym? Check.
Working on my applications? Check.
Getting some extra-curricular reading done? Check. (One day, Crime and Punishment, I will conquer thee!)
This rarity is the 8th Wonder of my World. What are the first 7, you may ask?
1. God. Perhaps it's cliche for a good-girl student of a small Christian college, raised in the church. But really, He's the only thing that gives my life the focus and meaning my scattered thoughts can't create.
2. Family. I'm lucky. I have wonderful parents who've sacrificed so much for me, and they're the best huggers in the world. And I have a brilliant older brother, who also happens to be one of the best people I know. Talking with them on Skype is one of the highlights of my day.
3. Friends. Again, I'm lucky. I have friends who put up with my insanity. And having experienced toxic friendships before, I count my blessings that I have friends who support and love me, even at my worst (and even though I'm undoubtedly rather annoying when I'm in one of those dark places). A hug from a friend can turn my entire day around.
4. Humor. There's nothing better than smiling and laughing, whether you're alone or in a crowd. British comedy, a good comic, or even just a fit of the giggles...speaking of which, I got Wild Target on DVD the other day. I plan on giggling my way through this weekend.
5. Creativity. I have a world of stories in my head. The ability to tell them is a gift I couldn't live without. Maybe I'll get the chance to share them with people someday. Until then, I just try to release them from my skull. It's not always an easy process, but it's always a rewarding one.
And what about 6 or 7? I don't know what they are. They change from day to day, depending on my mood or needs. Chocolate, coffee, the gym, hugs, a good dream, or a nap. I think today, today the 6th wonder is a nap. The 7th...well, the day isn't over yet. Maybe it will be a good writing session, or triumph in the gym, or even just sitting on the couch and enjoying the presence of my friends.
But now, I have to pack up and go to Japanese class. がんばりましょう！
-もも
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Another Fine Day in Pajamas
I should've seen it coming. The slightest bit of heat made my head pound, and my throat was scratchy. Yes, I am sick- sinuses or cold or something of the like. But when you're me, that quickly morphs into a migraine. So I missed my afternoon classes yesterday, trying to sleep it off before I plied it with doses of caffeine. Another fine day in pajamas.
Thankfully, I feel better, despite a distinct lack of sleep. Coffee does wonders. I've gotten more done towards applying for my summer programs- lots of signatures to get before March 1. And I still haven't heard about the job interview. It's hard to stay focused on how I've progressed when so much depends on others. I hate it. I'm ALMOST done, and I've been quick about it. Sending emails right away. Filling out forms as soon as I get them. Asking questions as soon I have them. But that's because this is very important to me- but what about the provost, or the registrar? They don't care as much. (I'm lucky to be a student at a small school, where they actually care at all.) And I have yet another form (A PRE-application. I mean, really? Really?) for several people to sign. So this makes me upset, because I can't hold them accountable. But I have to trust that they can do it, that I can get this done in a timely fashion.
I have class now, before another round of attacking the paperwork. I need prayers. I need trust. I need hugs. But most of all...most of all I need sleep.
Thankfully, I feel better, despite a distinct lack of sleep. Coffee does wonders. I've gotten more done towards applying for my summer programs- lots of signatures to get before March 1. And I still haven't heard about the job interview. It's hard to stay focused on how I've progressed when so much depends on others. I hate it. I'm ALMOST done, and I've been quick about it. Sending emails right away. Filling out forms as soon as I get them. Asking questions as soon I have them. But that's because this is very important to me- but what about the provost, or the registrar? They don't care as much. (I'm lucky to be a student at a small school, where they actually care at all.) And I have yet another form (A PRE-application. I mean, really? Really?) for several people to sign. So this makes me upset, because I can't hold them accountable. But I have to trust that they can do it, that I can get this done in a timely fashion.
I have class now, before another round of attacking the paperwork. I need prayers. I need trust. I need hugs. But most of all...most of all I need sleep.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
And It Begins
Yesterday was the first day of class. A 7:00 AM wakeup call followed by four classes, all syllabi and introductions. Even after three years, the first day is always a bit of a blur. New names, new faces, new rooms, and homework. Exhausted, disoriented, and a little defiant towards the system that requires me to sit in one place and ignore the distractions.
Yes, I know, I chose this. I accept my part in it.
I also managed to set up and install my printer all by my very lonesome. Those familiar with my superpower of killing technology (has anyone else fried a motherboard with nothing but a pair of headphones? Anyone?) will be suitably impressed with my ability to follow a simple, step-by-step process (there were even pictures!).
But the end of the day...that was the beautiful part. Olafur Arnalds, Icelandic musician and composer, played a gorgeous concert in our Fine Arts Center. I've been listening to his eerily beautiful creations, all instrumental with a few electronic effects thrown in, since last semester. I don't know exactly what I expected from his live show, but it was more. It was beautiful, amazing, pull-out-your-thesaurus-for-more-adjectives wonderful. I dressed up for the concert in my Dorothy Perkins shirt and my Salvation Army skirt, and it was worth the walk through freezing Michigan temperatures in heels and nylons to enjoy beauty whilst feeling beautiful. And, because this is a tiny campus, waiting around chatting with friends led to a brief conversation with Olafur himself. He was unassuming and humorous, and is officially my favorite artist. Check him out.
Day Two of classes has passed as well. Two classes, no biggies. And I'm applying for two academic summer programs- one in England and one in Italy. It appeases my parents, who will probably make me work fast food or retail this summer, and if I actually get in- hey, I get to go abroad again. Win, win, n'est pas? And tonight, Snowcaplypse (not my name, I swear) 2011 strikes Michigan, as well as half of the United States. We'll see if school is actually canceled. Due to the ridiculously pitiless administration, my university hasn't been canceled for snow in years. So we'll see.
Stock up on your bread and milk, ladies and gents! Or, rather, stock up on your coffee and ramen, college students!
With love, your local Pathetic Blogger.
Yes, I know, I chose this. I accept my part in it.
I also managed to set up and install my printer all by my very lonesome. Those familiar with my superpower of killing technology (has anyone else fried a motherboard with nothing but a pair of headphones? Anyone?) will be suitably impressed with my ability to follow a simple, step-by-step process (there were even pictures!).
But the end of the day...that was the beautiful part. Olafur Arnalds, Icelandic musician and composer, played a gorgeous concert in our Fine Arts Center. I've been listening to his eerily beautiful creations, all instrumental with a few electronic effects thrown in, since last semester. I don't know exactly what I expected from his live show, but it was more. It was beautiful, amazing, pull-out-your-thesaurus-for-more-adjectives wonderful. I dressed up for the concert in my Dorothy Perkins shirt and my Salvation Army skirt, and it was worth the walk through freezing Michigan temperatures in heels and nylons to enjoy beauty whilst feeling beautiful. And, because this is a tiny campus, waiting around chatting with friends led to a brief conversation with Olafur himself. He was unassuming and humorous, and is officially my favorite artist. Check him out.
Day Two of classes has passed as well. Two classes, no biggies. And I'm applying for two academic summer programs- one in England and one in Italy. It appeases my parents, who will probably make me work fast food or retail this summer, and if I actually get in- hey, I get to go abroad again. Win, win, n'est pas? And tonight, Snowcaplypse (not my name, I swear) 2011 strikes Michigan, as well as half of the United States. We'll see if school is actually canceled. Due to the ridiculously pitiless administration, my university hasn't been canceled for snow in years. So we'll see.
Stock up on your bread and milk, ladies and gents! Or, rather, stock up on your coffee and ramen, college students!
With love, your local Pathetic Blogger.
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